Yep... it's through the roof. There's nothing logical about it, it's just that feeling I get where my hearts starts pounding so loudly I can hear it, my breath becomes shallow and fast-paced, my hands and legs get a little jittery, and I just have to remind myself to keep breathing...
Friday was probably the day that marked the onset of this underlying anxiety I've been feeling as I get ready to leave. I woke up early in the morning and without any coffee (big mistake!) bolted out the door to head downtown for my exciting venture to the India Visa Center. Long story short, my visa application was DENIED. Yep, that's right... it was totally denied only 5 short days before I'm supposed to leave the country. First I got the whole "you're missing documents" then I got a whole other whack excuse about one of my documents not explicitly quoting that I "possess a skill set that does not currently exist in India." Ha, seriously? Sooooo... after some tears in the Visa Center and some more tears on State St. I found my way to Starbucks, got my coffee, took a deep breath and reminded myself it's all going to work out.
2 years ago when I was in Budapest I almost got arrested and taken to jail for not having a train pass (woops). My friend who I was traveling with and I were absolutely terrified in the midst of the near-arrest but of course everything ended up working out fine. We paid off the police officers and got off the hook. It was one of the most unnerving parts of our month long European venture and undoubtedly a retrospective highlight of our trip. I'm fairly confident a few weeks from now when I arrive in India and have spent at least 24 hours in the country with mishap after mishap (so I hear that's how it works over there) I'll look back at this experience and laugh. Regardless, it through me for a loop and I'm not sure that I've yet found my equilibrium since then.
These past few days (and I anticipate the next several ones) have been all about riding the waves. It's true that I'm anxious, that my mind continues to play that worst-case-scenario game, it's also true that I'm excited, and that I'm totally pumped.
Okay... 10 mins-ish have gone by... my mind is blank and I'm super exhausted. Time to either a) get to bed, b) go read Love, Lust, and Faking It (Jenny McCarthy's new book and my current guilty pleasure), or c) maybe finally start packing...
Stay tuned... more to come pre-Wednesday's take off.
P.S. Random updates:
- I cut 10 inches of my hair this weekend and donated it. The new cut is cute and it felt really good to give it all away :)
- I was a bride model today for a few friends who needed models for their portfolios. I had a wedding dress on an all... it was fun :D Pix to come...
- I saw my first Bollywood film last night, Anjaana Anjaani, and decided that I'm not coming home from India until I star in a Bollywood movie. No joke - you can totally hold me to that!